I apologize, but this is gonna be a long post.
Last year on August 6th I made this post. It was a Thinking Out Loud link-up post that talked about all the changes August would bring for me. One was a new job, another was a new school.
When I wrote that post, I had no idea what I really was in for when it came to the month of August, nor was I aware of what changes were in store for me for the rest of 2015.
On August 25th 2015, I woke up just like any other day. I don’t really remember much of what I did that day, but I met my best friend for drinks that night and when I came home, I ended my three year relationship.
Now, of course, there was a lot more to it than just that. We had broken up earlier in the year and then gotten back together, but nothing was ever the same. I will not talk negatively of him in this blog post, nor will I go into detail about why I was no longer happy. The important point is that I was unhappy, I felt stuck, and I didn’t think I would ever have the courage to leave.
And I’ll be the first to admit, no matter how unhappy I was, leaving was the hardest thing I have ever done. I hemmed and hawed over my decision for a very long time, but when the opportunity arose, I swallowed everything telling me that it would just be easier to stay, and I left.
The months that followed were dark. I disappeared from this space because I was extremely depressed and couldn’t bear to put anything about my life on the internet. I didn’t have enough money to make ends meet, dealing with school and work on top of starting my life over was exhausting.
But even in my unhappiest moments, I knew that I was doing the right thing.
In the past year I’ve learned a lot about myself and about the people that support me. I am forever indebted to those who kept reminding me over and over again that things would get better; that it would eventually stop being so hard. I didn’t always believe them, but I didn’t want to let those people down. So in my weaker moments where I thought about running back to my old life just for the sake of my sanity, I sucked it up and pushed through it (and took a lot of naps).
Around Christmas/New Years I was at my absolute lowest. My parents took me back in because it was pretty much between that and being homeless. I also didn’t tell them this, but I feared being by myself for long periods of time because I was just that miserable. It’s such a hard thing to explain. I wasn’t mourning the loss of our relationship, but I was having a really hard time adjusting to my new life, one that I had to pretty much start over from scratch.
And then, things got better. I started coming out of the darkness and stopped sleeping all the time. I started doing things with people and rediscovering the interests I’d pushed aside during my relationship.
And then at the end of February, I met Ian. And Ian has truly been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He is the person I was meant to be with this whole time, and every struggle that I had to go through to get to him was so, so worth it in the end.
I have never felt more happy or more loved by someone in my entire life. Every morning I wake up feeling lucky to have him, but this morning, knowing it was the one year anniversary of my life changing forever, my heart felt especially full. He shows me every single day that I am the most important person in his life, and that he will always go out of his way to make me happy.
We’ve only been together a short time, but I know that this is where I’m supposed to be. Things haven’t been perfect—I was skeptical and untrusting at first because I’ve never been in a relationship with someone who actually shows me that they care about me—but we’ve worked through any bumps in the road, and even on our worst days, there’s no one I’d rather be with.
A year ago if you showed me where I’d be now I would never have believed you. Things have truly gotten better in every way. Not only am I happier now than I ever was this time last year, but also, I’m happier now than I ever was my entire life. I am in a healthy relationship with the man I’m going to marry. I’m doing well in school (only one more year and I’m FINALLY done). I am constantly shown that I have a wonderful support system in my family and friends.
I’m just in a really good place. Things came together exactly how they were supposed to, and I’m a much stronger person at the end of it.